I want to share a bit about my story and how many times the decisions we make are what mark our destiny.
At the beginning of this year (2018) I made the decision to come and live in this country (USA) and leave my little paradise, Costa Rica. I felt the need to come here, to do something more with my life. While my country has many wonderful things, including all of my family, I still wanted to come here. I longed to grow. I wanted to challenge myself to the experience of living in another country, in THIS country (the country that saw me being born).
I yearn to travel (someday I’ll have enough money to know the world lol).
So, I started to put things in place, I talked to a relative who lives here about staying with her while I searched for a place of my own. She told me that there was no problem, then one evening late at night I bought my ticket to start my adventure on February 15, 2018.
I was scared. My major fear was, what kind of job could I get to remain financially stable with English as my second language? I felt nervous when I spoke English, now I would be depending on my current skills. I started to be filled with questions of self doubt.
“Who will hire me? Will I be able to travel? Will I be able to survive? Can I even do this?” Despite riddling myself with questions filled with fear, my determination was even stronger.
I said goodbye to my friends, family and my precious dog. I took a flight to start my new chapter. While alone in my thoughts on the journey, my emotions began shifting rapidly. I had excitement interlaced with waves of worry and fear. The emotions were battling within me as the dream slowly became a reality across the open sky. As I realized the vastness of my decision, I began to feel smaller in the seat of the plane. I felt minuscule sitting alone, anticipating the future and the uncertainty flooded over me time and again. The loneliness began to set in as I remembered how difficult it is for me to make friends. I remembered how large the world is and how small I am. Finally, as it came time to land, I said to myself, “Okay, here I go”. I dug deep into myself and realized there was no turning back now. Even if I could turned around to go home, I never would. I never wanted to be sitting and wondering, “what if?”. So I gathered my things, took a cleansing breath and began my new life.
After only a month of being here I went to a bar to celebrate my 23rd birthday with my Godmother who I was staying with. Then, my worst fears happened. I lost my wallet with my cards and my cash. I had NO money, not a cent, nothing. I had not found work and now I had no money. I felt so depressed, I did not know what to do. As an independent person, I didn’t want to call my mother, also, I knew she would worry. I felt lonely and defeated, I couldn’t eat, or sleep and the only family I had here was of no support. I was in despair, but somehow I gathered by strength and remembered that I knew how to handle this, despite feeling overwhelmed.
They say, “It’s never darker than when it’s going to dawn”, and that’s how it was. Just as I was about to give up, I found work. It wasn’t just any job, it was THE job for me. I saw this as a sign for me to keep trying. My spirits lifted with hope and I said to myself “you can go ahead and stop struggling”. I was so proud. I nailed the interview and it happened that my new boss turned out to be one of my guardian angels. Within a month I had yet another job opportunity. Having two jobs could have been too much, but in the end I decided to accept both. It has been difficult, but fulfilling my dream is worth the effort.
My living situation with my Gpdmother was becoming more chaotic and unstable each day. She had her own life struggles that would often carry over into my life. I couldn’t continue to live there and began scrambling for other options. I had few financial resources and although I had two jobs, I was still trying to gather enough savings to afford a place to live. I managed to tolerate another month in that house. The instability continued to worsen, but I could now see hope. Being in that environment while feeling so vulnerable was a deeply lonely time, a time that I will always remember as a barometer for all my life’s challenges.
In July, 2018, I moved to a studio apartment and here I started another leg of this adventure. I can now settle into my new life as an Costa Rican woman finding her way in a new world.
With this I want to say, it is not easy to leave the comfort zone or to leave your family or to learn a new language or assimilate to a new culture and a new time zone.
Any change is not easy. But, but in my case, it feels amazing to know I have done it. The challenges of change I have accomplished in 6 months, brings with it an intense feeling of pride. Like all challenges I didn’t do it alone, I have created quality relationships with people I could rely on, those that I could call my angels. I know I have many more angels to meet, but I also know that we can all overcome obstacles, it’s a part of life. When we are faced with these hurdles, we need to just JUMP. Jump with determination, have confidence within yourself, love yourself and be patient. It may seem as though there is no way to climb the mountain, but take one step at a time and you will continue to progress. Don’t question yourself, give love to yourself even when you aren’t sure you deserve it. We are all capable, we are all big and strong enough to forge ahead to overcome any obstacle.
Remember, no matter how small you may feel, you are big enough to do it and you are strong enough to fight through it. You’ve got this!
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